žąsies grobį 1st

Intro

It's Saturday morning, I'm sat in my spot, daughter dropped off and I'm watching the rest of the parents turn up to drop their kids off. No coffee as of yet. 

I was very much hoping that I would have the opportunity to write the lore for my Turnip Regiment throughout the week and just be able to edit today however that didn't happen. I wrote a large portion on Monday but apparently it didn't save and so after that my motivation dwindled. My goal for today is to get the basis of the lore down and then edit either tonight or tomorrow.

As I write this I'm listening to an album that has been a constant for me over the last couple of years. It's an album that mentally put's me in a really great place. One song in particular (Two thousand and seventeen) promotes a sense of inner peace and let's troubles just drift from my back.

In the beginning

Nobody knows exactly when the eggs started to appear but over time tales of large tribal monstrai capable of battering entire scavenging parties started making their way back to the mining town of Krotz. The tales where brought by the many adventurers and survivors who had endured the twisted hellscape of the barrows.

The tales while almost certainly exaggerated through hubris and insanity tell of marauding packs of creatures which demonstrated unhindered violence to any who fell into their paths. The survivors described creatures with the appendages of man yet with extreme ovoid torsos. They appear to have no heads or necks, instead their faces are found in the centre of these strange torsos. Communication with them at this point had been futile and while not displaying divine intelligence they used clubs and other base tools to bludgeon any unfortunates which pertained to at least some level of technical ability.

These tales made their way to what passes for scholars in the town of Krotz. One such notable learned man, Dabrel recalled an ancient tome which described avian and reptilian creatures which would lay these things called eggs. The eggs came in many shapes, sizes and colours but all shared the same ovoid shape being described by the returned travellers. These eggs where primarily the means of reproduction for the creatures however they where supposedly a means of untainted protein for the ancestors of Krotz.

This information only spurred on more adventurers who hoped to be able to fell one of these beasts in the pursuit of protein. Denizens of Gerp and even Geet ventured down to Krotz as the base of their expeditions. With this influx of activity the tales became evermore frequent, along with memorial services. At one such service the mother of a fallen Krotzian broke down in hysterics. She fell to her knees and in the rain started to chant at the tops of her lungs the below rhyme:

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

Four-score Men and Four-score more,

Could not make Humpty Dumpty where he was before.

She chanted this for 80 days and 80 nights before ultimately collapsing in on her son's stone where she lay and rotted until there was nothing left but her rags.

The denizens of Krotz related this strange occurrence to the appearance of the egg shaped creatures and over time people began to refer to them as Humpty Dumpty's or Humpty's for short.

A cunning plan 

After some time a denizen of Geet who went by the name Baldrik Cakas arrived in Krotz accompanied by his two friends Hynde Griva and Kove Puke. Cakas, Griva and Puke where from a ransacked regiment formed in Geet. Their regiment had lost a monumental battle and this was the primary reason for them travelling so far south. 

Cakas had heard the stories of these monstrai but had ultimately dismissed them as tish tosh. However upon arriving in Krotz and being presented with so many stories and eye witnesses he could only start to give them credence. Cakas was especially interested in the tales of brutality and believed that the Humpty's offered a greater reward than supposed untainted protein, the stories and rumours of which he greatly doubted any way. Cakas had an eye on the Humpty's brutal potential as military fodder and a way to redeem himself as a military leader.

This idea raised the question of how would one go about domesticating such untamed beasts. Cakas' answer to this was by the use of subterfuge. He collected as many accurate details of the Humpty's as he could and accosted the finest dress maker in Krotz. He requested that the dress maker would create three suits which resembled the torsos of the Humpty's. Cakas, Griva and Puke would attempt to pass themselves off as Humpty's, earn their trust and determine whether they could be tutored in the age old profession of rank and flank.

To the Barrows

With their suits finished the trio set off out of Krotz to the bewilderment of the locals. After a few days travel they found themselves on the edge of the Barrows seriously reconsidering this potential suicide mission.

They spent the better part of a week tracking the Humpty's who appeared to be evading them, whether intentionally or not remains in question. At the end of this first week they caught up to a small group of Humptys and approached them. The immediate reaction of the Humpty's caused Griva to shit himself on the spot however Cakas held his ground, after some tense moments it appeared that the Humpty's had a leader and he seemed to be calling Cakas out through grunts and gestures. Cakas emulated the gestures and the lead Humpty took his club and drew a large circle gesticulating for Cakas to enter. It didn't take a root scientists to figure out that this was a challenge of strength, what the outcome would be who could tell but at this point Cakas had no other choice but to enter as Griva and Puke looked on. 

Cakas entered the circle and just as he was getting his wits about him the Humpty charged, Cakas being a man of resources pulled his black powder pistol and put a shot straight between the Humpty's eyes. The Humpty did not slow down right until the moment it stumbled onto Cakas taking them both to the floor. After some time Cakas wriggled free raising up to see what situation this would leave him and his friends in. To his surprise the other Humpty's rather than being aggressive took a subservient stance. It appeared that Cakas had now become their leader.

The goose that laid the golden egg

Over the coming months Cakas, Griva and Puke learned to communicate with the Humpty's through had signals. They lived how the Humpty's lived and embraced their "culture". 

Quite early on Cakas noticed that around once every few days a new Humpty would appear seemingly from no where and join their group. Through communication with the Humpty's he discovered that they worshipped some kind of deity. After some convincing he persuaded one of the newer Humpty's to take him to from whence he came. 

They walked for what felt like four weeks, deeper and deeper into the barrows. Eventually they came upon a large nest made from twisted and deformed roots. The nest appeared to be abandoned however the Humpty signalled for them to wait. After a day of waiting, early in the morning just before dawn a gigantic winged creature the size of a house, dirty white feathers and crooked black bill came to the nest. The sounds it made must have echoed and reverberated for miles, they shone fresh terror into the heart of Cakas. When the sounds from the beast fell quiet it stood and waddled off. 

In the nest Cakas spotted a fully formed Humpty. It was still but after a few minutes it started to stir. It climbed out of the nest and joined Cakas and the other Humpty. With that they travelled back to the rest of the group. With this discovery not only was Cakas moving towards his goal of having the most brutal regiment in all of Cist but it would also be one where sheer numbers would be able to swamp any opposition.

Rank, Flank and Black Powder Weapons

With the communication only strengthening between Cakas and the Humpty's as a result of their hand signals becoming ever more sophisticated he recognized that the time was right to transform the Humpty's into a regiment to be feared. 

He sent Griva and Puke to fetch uniforms and weaponry from Krotz while he stayed behind to start working on instilling the discipline needed for warfare within Cist. Upon their return they found that Cakas had achieved this goal. All in all they had assembled a Regiment containing six cavalry bastards, twelve cannon fodder and an artillery crew and cannon.

With this the žąsies grobį 1st was born and they began to march northward in preparation for all out war commencing the 10th of August.

Outro

So in the end I was actually able to get all of the above written in the allotted time my parental duties allows. There are many more avenues I would like to take this lore and I've even taken inspiration for models to use in other game systems (I'm thinking tribal eggs for cauldron by Hill Giant).

I was also planning to write some background for specific members of the regiment but I will leave this for another day. I do still intend to create a fully fleshed out homebrew cult including rules and the lore above will allow me to develop that in a meaningful way. 

Next week I will either write up my Vastarian entry or the college I built for Aetherpunk28.

As I finish writing and sign out I wanted to take the opportunity to introduce another album which has accompanied me during the latter part of this post. I actually struggled to remember the name of the artists but fortunately it came to me and so please find the brilliant self titled album "Burial" below.